Tuesday, October 6, 2020

Rock-tober 06, 2020


I became fast friends with a guy named Mike from one of my previous employers. Together, we struck fear into the hearts of local buffet owners at lunch, continuously gave our boss a hard time, and just hung out after hours away from the office.

Back when Netflix was strictly a DVD by mail service, we regularly compared DVD queues since we shared the same offbeat affinities for military and fantasy genres (think Band of Brothers and Lord of the Rings). While we tracked on most things Netflix, there was one major divergence. He was obsessed with the campy 1975 horror flick, Trilogy of Terror. It exasperated him that the movie popped up in a search of the Netflix database, but it was not a title that shipped. Every few weeks for the better part of a year, he'd grouse about this gross deficiency in Netflix's catalog.

One day I thought I'd have a little fun.

I logged in to Netflix and added Trilogy of Terror to my queue. Sure enough, it popped up as a non-shipping title. I rearranged my queue so that it would show up in the number 1 slot,  making it appear to be the next DVD to ship. After taking a screenshot of my queue, I started manipulating the image. I replaced the status of "Non-shipping Title" with "Shipped - Arriving Friday", took another screenshot of this, and sent it to Mike.

By mid-afternoon, I'd forgotten about it. Suddenly, Mike came storming into my office in a foul mood, unleashing a string of profanity that would impress the most hardened Navy chief.

"I can't believe that s&*%! Those f#!$*s!! I just f#$@ canceled my d^$# Netflix subscription!"

My memory was now sufficiently refreshed. "Huh. Really? Why'd you do that?" My poker face was on point.

"Those f#@!^$ won't ship me Trilogy of Terror! The d@*# service rep claimed they didn't carry it! I told him he was mistaken because I'm looking at another customer's queue, and it shows he's getting it Friday."

I knew I should have felt guilty at this point, but I was having too much fun. "You should have sent them my screenshot."

"I tried! Dude said it wouldn't matter because his system says it's not carried! Then I told him to check your account and gave him your name." I continued to present the most innocent expression I could muster. "But then he gave me a d@*% line about unauthorized access and customer privacy."

Mike eventually did a closer inspection of the JPEG I'd sent him and sussed out it was doctored, and I bought him lunch soon after to square it. I don't think he ever reinstated his Netflix account. Amusingly, as I write this, I see that Trilogy of Terror is currently available on Amazon Prime. I think it's time to send ol' Mike another screenshot.


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