Few things are as frustrating for me as being right but being unable to convince others of this fact. Before writing me off as an arrogant prig, let me share a few stories. When Dad was stationed in Annapolis in the early 70's, I attended the base's kindergarten class. One day in the line coming back from the playground, a kid in front of me said, "It's time for a kidnap." He was referring to the class nap time that immediately followed recess. I just looked at him and crinkled my brow. "That's not what that means." He and his pals glared at me.
"Oh, yeah, smarty pants? What's it mean then?" I honestly didn't know, but I did know he was wrong. Unable to defend my position, I became the target of their ridicule the rest of the day. That afternoon I raced home, busted open the front door, and slammed it closed.
"HEY, MOM! WHAT DOES 'KIDNAP' MEAN!?" Mom came out of the kitchen in a panic. Her only son had just burst into the house, out of breath from running, and was asking the definition of a felony act. I've got to hand it to her; she kept her cool.
"Wayne....where did you hear that and why do you ask?"
"This kid at school says it means kids taking a nap. Is he right? Is that what it means?"
"No, son. No, it does not."
"I knew it! Then what does it mean?"
"Well..." I picked up on her hesitation.
"Ohhh. Is it a bad word?"
"No...but it's not a good thing. Oh, look, it's a beautiful outside. Why don't you go play in the yard until dinner is ready"
I felt vindicated so I was more than happy to oblige. Meanwhile, Mom was left wondering where in the world her 5-year-old was picking up his vocabulary - probably too much Adam 12 and Dragnet on TV.
In college, Andrea's roommate had to design a book jacket as a project for art school, and the title was giving her trouble. "Hey, Andrea, do you spell 'arachnophobia' with i or an o?" She responded, "I believe it's with an i."
I happened to be there so I chimed in. "Nope. I'm pretty sure it's with an o." I should have kept my mouth shut because what ensued was a thirty-minute quarrel over a vowel. This was a few decades before we could simply ask Alexa and even a few years before we could query Google. The only dinky mickey mouse dictionary in the house wasn't any help since it had no entry for arachnophobia. She continued flipping through its pages. "See this! Arachnid is spelled with an i." I countered by showing her arachnoid was spelled with an o. There was no goodnight kiss when I left for the evening.
The next day, after a sleepless night, I stormed into a local video store, yanked a copy of the movie Arachnophobia off the shelf, and slammed it on the counter. I looked at the clerk and sighed. "Hey, buddy, look, my girlfriend refuses to believe this is the correct spelling of this word. Can you help me out?" After laughing at the absurdity of my request, he proceeded to scribble off a note attesting to the fact that, indeed, arachnophobia was spelled with an o.
Our relationship survived that skirmish, and somewhere in this house we still have the note from that video store clerk.
Years later, Andrea and I were both in Mobile at another couple's house when an argument broke out. The dude was convinced that Elton John the singer and Bernie Taupin the songwriter were the same individual, and the two were just alter egos for the same guy. Nothing the lady said could convince him otherwise. When it escalated, Andrea and I surreptitiously took our leave. We closed the front door to the sound of him yelling, "Oh yeah!? Well, have you ever seen both of them at the same time!?"
For the record, Elton and Bernie are two separate individuals who've shared a very successful 50-year collaboration. Elton released Too Low for Zero in 1983 and marked the first album since 1976's Blue Moon that featured songs all penned by Bernie. Eventually certified platinum in multiple markets, it marked a comeback for Elton John after his previous four albums failed to achieve commercial success. Elton John and Bernie Taupin are still making music together, but I'm not sure I can say the same for that other couple down in Mobile.
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