I count myself fortunate to work alongside a group of people in my office. They're consummate professionals who know their job and who I can rely on to have my back. However - Lord have mercy - there are times they find my last nerve and strum it like Slash working a six-string.
One day I was in the middle of juggling multiple tasks and responding to half a dozen emails all with a phone to my ear. For some inane reason, Naresh picked that time open my closed door, plop down in my office, and show me the latest targets of his house hunt. "Yo, Wayne! Check your email!" I tried to shush him to no avail. "I sent you 3 houses I'm going to see this weekend!" I shot him what I thought was an obvious "Get out of my office" look and nodded towards the door. It, of course, went over his head. As he launched into verbose property descriptions, I was finally able to hang up the phone and faced him.
"Dude. Can't you see I'm up to my eyeballs here?!"
"Pfft. Just take a look! It'll be quick. The second listing has a great deck, but I'm not too sure about the school system. What do you think about the basement in the third house? I can put an awesome theater system down there!" Elbows on my desk, I was now rubbing my temples as he continued. "But the first house has the best yard!"
"Get out."
"What?"
"Get. Out."
"Man, why are you always grumpy?"
The Internet has been a surprising source of comebacks and clap backs I've used for some of these incursions.
"Man, Wayne, you seem so unapproachable these days."
"But yet, here you are."
Sometimes, I'm just hungry. Sometimes, I just want to be left alone. Sometimes, bloody hell, it's both.
"Hey, Wayne! What's for lunch?"
"Food."
"No, Grumpy, what are you having?"
"An unwanted conversation."
A few of my closer cohorts learned one way to assuage me. At a previous job, I flew halfway across the country to reactivate a site. I was in a foul mood because it had been left in disarray. Unbeknownst to me, the station chief called HQ. "Umm...Wayne's getting really grouchy here. Any advice?"
"Ah. Just give him a Snickers bar. He'll be fine."
I was on a tirade about a mountain of papers left behind by the previous admin that had to be processed. I turned around and the chief was right there, hands up in a defensive position and dangling a Snickers bar from one of them. We had a good laugh and eventually the mission was completed.
Zack, at my current shop, figured this out. I suspect Andrea clued him in. He told me he's got Snickers bars stashed in strategic places. "So...what else can I do for you?" That was easy.
"Just keep Naresh out of my hair." Right on cue, Naresh came around the corner, plopped down in one of my chairs, looked at me, and smirks.
"Hey, Grumpy! What's happening!"
Zack recognized the look I gave Naresh and ushered him quickly out of the room. All the while, Naresh was protesting, "What? Wait! Hey! Where are we going!?"
Zacks's voice trailed away as he tried to get the two of them to a safe distance, "To find a Snickers bar."
Meanwhile, elbows on my desk, my face in my hands, I heard Slash strumming my last nerve again.
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