Rock-tober 03, 2016

I once heard this spiel from a Defense Intelligence Agency recruiter looking for field operatives.

You've got to be at least bilingual. Your interview will begin when I drop you off in the middle of a country that speaks your second language. I'll then confiscate your phone, ID, credit cards, and cash. You'll then have to meet me at 7PM at the Caledonia Bar in the Upper East Side in 2 weeks time.

Although I did take a year of Spanish with Mrs. Alexander back at good old Long Beach High School, I'm not sure it would've helped me navigate passage from downtown Buenos Aires back to NYC for brewskis at the Caledonia. I've discovered, however, that I must look Latino, at least from a distance.

I was walking down the street one typical hot, humid summer wearing shorts, T-shirt, and shades to fend of the sun and heat when I heard someone addressing me in Spanish.

"Que tal, ese. Donde esta..."
*Hey, man. Where's the... I think he was asking for directions to a hair salon...or maybe where he could get a horse.

I replied, "Ingles, por favor."
*Yo, dude, I may be sporting a year round tan and look Hispanic, but I actually only had a year of high school Spanish. Could you please repeat your query in English?

This kind of set him off.

"Ingles?! Por que Ingles?!"
*Dude! What's up with that?!  He launched into what I think was a diatribe about how Spanish was a beautiful language and no Latino should be afraid to take pride in the mother tongue, Latino culture, and empanadas...or maybe it was something about a bathroom.

Me: *sigh*
Me: *takes off shades*
Him: "Ay! Lo siento, senor!"
*Bruh.... With the shades on and from your year round tan, I didn't realize you were Filipino and not Latino. My bad.

"Put Your Lights On" is a single off Santana's Supernatural. Everlast penned and voiced the lyrics so no translation is needed. And Santana's soulful fretwork never needs translation.