Rock-tober 28, 2016

Back in the old neighborhood, an actual fist fight over a disagreement was rare. More often than not, the two belligerents would face each other with their supporters arrayed behind them. Eyes would narrow, brows would furrow, and fists would clench. Then battle commenced.

"You're goofy looking. You look like a frog." A soft "Ohhh" came from the crowd. Slamming your opponent's physical appearance was the typical opening move.

"Oh, yeah? Well at least I don't throw like a girl." This incited a louder "Ohhhhh" from the gallery. Bringing your adversary's physical prowess into question was the classic escalation. This back and forth dance would continue, usually resolving itself with both parties walking away, each side claiming victory. Unless, of course, someone used the nuclear option.

"Your momma." You'd hear a collective gasp from the crowd as soon as the words were uttered. If ever a standoff came to blows, this was the catalyst. There was no way to unring that bell.

The volley and return routine of insults and comebacks didn't go away just because we grew up. The verbal jabs just got wondrously more creative. "If you're going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty."

"Ohhh."

Lady Nancy Astor had a couple of run ins with Winston Churchill, telling him once, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea." Churchill's response, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it." 

"Ooohhhh!"

What about the adult version of the nuclear option? This award has to go to Benjamin Disraeli, who had a long running feud with William Gladstone. Gladstone summarily dismissed Disraeli saying he'd either die at the gallows or from syphilis. Disraeli's retort? "That depends on whether I embrace your morals or your wife."

"OOOOHHHHHH!!"

Don't go away mad, William. Just go away.