We were having a rare in person meeting at work this past summer, and a pizza lunch was provided. Management sprang for a variety of sodas as well, but rather than use the dinky plastic cups provided by the pizza place, I was using my trusty Auburn branded tumbler. I believe it was originally intended as a Christmas present for Andrea, but it was Navy blue, so I coopted it.
I walked into the meeting room totally oblivious to the carnage that was lying in wait. I took a seat, laying my pepperoni pizza laden plate in front of me and setting my trusty flagon beside it. One of the guys on the team spied the large “AU” logo on its side.
“Yo, Wayne! Man, I didn’t know you went to college in Arizona!” Silence fell in the room. This guy joined the team post-pandemic. One of the casualties of being remote and not seeing team members face to face were that the frequent, spontaneous bull sessions around each other’s desks did not take place. It was in these ad hoc gatherings where we learned about each other – family, hobbies, favorite shows, and our alma mater. This didn’t really happen with remote schedules, so he could be forgiven for the error.
Another team member hastily corrected him before I stepped in. “Naw, man. That big “A” is for Alabama, not Arizona.”
The glut of pepperoni pizza was slowing my synapses a bit because I was too delayed in making a critical connection. Since this guy mistook AU for Arizona, I realized he could easily utter a more serious profanity. The belaying words had formed in my head, but I had not yet uttered them when…
“OOHHH! You went to school in Alabama!” My mind was screaming at me to stop him, but I didn’t know how. Wave him off with my hands? Yell? Throw pizza at him? It was too late. The sacrilege had departed his lips and lingered in the ether: ” ROLL TIDE!!!”
Seated to my immediate right was a guy from the Carolinas. He was a fellow SEC’er and a Gamecocks fan. And Dude utterly lost it. In a maniacal laugh that boomed in the small, crowded room, his loud “guffaws” were interspersed with obviously insincere apologies as he fought back tears.
The original instigator’s look of befuddlement was almost adorable in its innocence. “What? Wait…What did I say?” But most people were already filing out of the room quickly and silently.
By now, Gamecocks fanboy recovered sufficiently. Still snickering as he walked out the door, he called back. “He went to Auburn! So, it’s ‘War Eagle!’ and not that other thing.”
Instigator Dude just looked at me. “Oh.”
With that, I shook my head, picked up my plate and besmirched flagon, and walked out as well, leaving Dude to contemplate the foul depravity he’d so wantonly released.
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