To be laid low by gastronomic misadventure is not a pleasant experience. Sometimes it happens through no fault of your own, as the victims of the Chipotle salmonella outbreak discovered. There are times, though, when you're knowingly flirting with disaster.
During my time at South Alabama, I once went grocery shopping with Brian and Shannon, the Alpha South pranksters you've previously met. We were picking up dorm staples - chips, Coke, and a couple of frozen dinners. Shannon noticed corn dogs for sale in the non frozen food section. "Hey, guys, three for the price of one! Deal!" Brian took a look. "Uh, Shannon, these expired three days ago." Shannon shrugged him off and loaded his basket with his dubious bargain find. Brian and I just looked at each other and shook our heads.
Later that evening, we were all in their room catching the latest Magnum PI on a tiny B&W TV, and Shannon made short work of the corn dogs. The next morning, I walked into a lecture auditorium where the three of us shared a class. I saw Brian and plopped down next to him. I looked around and asked, "Where's Shannon?" His smirk told me all I needed to know. Shannon missed quite a few of his classes that day and the next.
I once worked with a guy named Charles who commuted into Bethesda from West Virginia. I asked him why he put up with the two hour commute - both ways. He said his house payment was the size of most people's car payment. Fair enough.
Charles was cruising around the backroads of the Mountain State with a buddy of his one summer day when they came across a large deer that had been struck and killed by a car. His buddy pulls over, jumps out of the cab, and inspects the carcass. "Hey, man, help me get 'im into the truck!" Charles just looked at him incredulously.
"You are out of your hillbilly mind! Are you serious?! I'm not helping you load roadkill!" His buddy ponders this a moment then presses his hand against the carcass.
"Naw, Charlie. He's alright - he's still warm!" This solicited an epic face palm from Charles.
"Dude. It's 100° out here! Of course he's still warm!"
Despite appeals to his common sense and intestinal well being, Charles's buddy would not be swayed. Dutifully, he helped schlep the carcass into the bed of the truck. His buddy drove him home and dropped him off. He yelled back as he pulled away, "Ya'll come up on Sunday for dinner!"
To my knowledge, Charles bowed out of that invitation. I often wondered about his friend, though, traveling down those country roads and flirting with gastronomic disaster.
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