We spent some time in Auburn after Andrea's father passed late last year. When I asked my mother-in-law if I could pick out one or two of Andrea's dad's pipes as remembrances, she summarily bequeathed the entire collection to me. In an instant I'd gone from someone with a passing curiosity in the hobby to having well over 30 burl, pear wood, and meerschaum pipes.
Andrea accompanied me as I immediately set out on a quest through Auburn for pipe tools, cleaners, and filters. We struck out at one tobacconist as they carried tobacco, but not tools. Undeterred, we stopped in at a convenience store and asked the plaid wearing, Nirvana grooving clerk behind the counter if he had stuff to clean pipes.
Dude's face lit up waay too much. "Aw, yeah, man, I got everything you need. Here's some rubbing alcohol and epsom salts." Wait. What? Rubbing alcohol would be way too harsh a cleaner on a burl pipe's finish. I don't even want to think what the salt would do. On the other side of the counter, Andrea was picking up some boiled peanuts because, well, Alabama. I also noticed she was working hard to stifle a laugh. I just looked at her quizzically. What am I missing?
Dude noticed the confused look on my face, so he decided to elaborate, "Yeah, man, you just stick your pipe in a ziplock bag with these two ingredients, give 'em a shake, and let 'em soak." I was already dubious about the epsom salts, but you definitely don't soak a meerschaum in alcohol. I raised my left eyebrow, which serves as my nonverbal "B.S.", and I thanked him for his time. We paid for Andrea's boiled peanuts as she continued to suppress a snicker and walked out.
The whole time walking back to the car, I'm muttering to myself, "Epsom salt and alcohol?! Dude's crazy. I can't even. Why the bloody deuce would you subject wooden pipes to that concoction?"
Back in the car the sudden realization hit me like Hacksaw Duggan's 2x4.
"Ohhh. Dude wasn't talking about tobacco pipes." Andrea could no longer suppress a howl. "No, Hon, he was not."
Pfft. College towns. Gotta love'em.
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