Rock-tober 13, 2015

Dorm life was interesting my freshman year at the University of South Alabama. Growing up an only child, I always had my own room and bathroom. Now I was sharing close quarters with 24 other guys. Two in particular were pranksters. One night they dropped in, lingered for a little small talk, and left very quickly. A little odd but I didn't think anything of it and eventually went to bed. I woke up the next morning and headed for the bathroom, but I couldn't open my door. It wouldn't budge. I immediately realized what those punks had done. They wedged a bunch of pennies between the door and the jamb tightly enough that the door couldn't open. You were effectively sealed in your room or, in the vernacular of the dorm, "pennied in".

Okay. They got me. I'll just call the RA and get him to let me out. I picked up my phone and got no dial tone. When I looked down, I realized the phone cord was missing. Okay. They got me twice.

I'm locked in my room with no way to call for help, and my neighbors on either side had gone home for the weekend. I went to the window and looked out. At 25 - 30 feet off the ground I'm trying gauge if I can clear the pavement and land on the turf. I decided against it.

Now I'm mad. These punks were not going to win this. I looked around my room, which was pretty spartan, and I saw my bed, specifically, my bedsheets. "No way," I'm thinking, but then it always worked in the movies. I tied my sheets together, tied one end to my bed frame and tossed the other end out the window. I rapelled (more like shimmied) down the side of the building and I was free, but I wasn't finished. You know that sinister smile the Grinch had when he decided to steal Christmas? That's what was unfurling across my face at that moment.

I went to their room and tested the lock. It was open. I walked in and they were both passed out on their beds. Surely it can't be this easy. I took their phone cord, pennied them in, and strolled out of the dorm like a boss sporting a Cheshire cat grin and thinking, "I win."

When I eventually came back in that afternoon, I walked over to their hall to check on them. They were both standing around the now open door along with an annoyed RA and an even more annoyed campus cop. I shot them a knowing grin and walked away.